Autobiography of a Software Professional!!!

The man in focus is from a middle class family, and is doing his final year Engineering; and as any other typical engineering student has these two options as in the below IF clause:


IF fin-aid-got during final year BE
MS in US
display "Foreign MS Degree"
ELSE
Join the (campus offered) big software consulting company; 
visit all continents much to the concern of those who took the above IF logic
Display "Have made more money than you guys who did MS in US"
END IF


Our man took the ELSE clause and happily went around the globe. Learnt English customs, French cuisine, Swiss niceties, Spanish Reggae and American Dreams.

After three years plus (now a days people start at 6 months itself), decides to leave the big consultancy job and takes on a H1B. He tells all his friends "just 2 or maximum 3 years, make $10K or $20K and then come back and settle back home nicely, Ill come back, I wont be like others who settle there". He surely believes so when he says this and does not lie...

First 3 months:
Has got his SSN, managed a driving license after quite a bit of difficulty and fear; managed a second hand car; rented a decent apartment; spending about 500 $ on phone bills calling up every friend and relative.

Next 3 months:
Finds to his shock that he has less money in bank than he had during the big consultancy trips (when he knew that he used to get peanuts and hence lived within his means sharing a apartment and a car with 4 people and saved some money really)!! So now he starts making huge cuts in telephone bill (first he starts with his home calls and close friend calls - huge cut) and is happy to see the bill cut down to 250 $.

Next 6 months:
Has some friends by now, makes some trips to Niagara (its a ritual like the Kashi and Rameswaram trip in India), New York city and White House. Experienced a winter and fed-up with his car not starting, decides to buy a new car, feels lonely, thinks of his marriage.

Next 3 months:
Decides to call up his family about searching for a bride. Company asks him about green card, has 2 minds, change jobs for 10 K increase, or stay content with 5K increase given by the present company.

Next 3 months:
He fixes a trip after daily hunting for the cheapest ticket, goes home (India) with quite a few gifts for his family, fixes a girl !!! Comes back to the US in 3 weeks, as he knows he will be going back home after 6 months for marriage (Telugu guys are an exception: visit India for 3 weeks, see 15 girls, negotiate on Rs. 50 Lac (5 million rupees) + 10 acres fertile land + 2 rice mills etc., fix up the best bargain and get married in 2 days and come back; the other Indians are not so rewarded in cash; and they will have to go back 6 months down the line for getting married.)

After 6 months:
Gets married, now he is for sure his dream of coming back in 3 years is becoming pale !!... he has to spend 3000 $ on travel next time to go back home; he has spent a lot in car repayment; 2 Indian trips and in gifts; now he wont go back for 2 years: meanwhile he has to get his green card any way; (so he consoles himself that circumstances forced him to stay rather than blaming his will power).

2 years further:
Makes a trip home, buys more gifts for the wife side relatives than his own brothers and sisters!! Calculates every dollar, but finds out to his surprise that salaries in India have grown greatly, and also the cost of everything, now his savings will buy only 1 flat in south
Madras, not at Mylapore, he wont have any cash if he thinks of settling (in India); decides that he will stay in the US for another 3 years and concentrate more on saving and come back to India for good.

3 years in US:
Has kid (his mother in law came during delivery; he was worried all along that should they fall sick, he will be gone in medical care; he prays to God more than he prayed for his School final marks or JEE/CET seat). He is a family man; thinks that if his 2 year old daughter stays in US - after she is 7-8 years of age, she will have all those bad habits, so makes a plan to go back after 5 years, when his daughter would have seen the Disney Land and nicer things when she is not yet spoilt by the western culture.

4 years:
Makes a trip to India with a 20 % hope of returning to India. His retired father with BP and diabetes and mother with heart problem are in the fore front of his thoughts. But he goes to a few companies, (His ego is a little hurt as he was working as a programmer in US, in spite of having good knowledge and had managed 10 people team in India), he expects to be appointed as a general manager; but doesn't get one; or even if he gets, compares with 70K $ and finds it peanuts, so he decides to show his parents to a doctor; asks his neighbors to look after them; and gets on a plane to the US;

5 years down the line:
His wife likes the US, and she does not have the problem of the pestering of her mother-in-law. Halts all plans of her husband's thoughts of returning home. Wife visits India during December season, shows off and then comes back to US (While in India she talks to her relatives about her own car; kids bharatanatyam class in Denver suburbs; her relatives exclaim that they are still so Indian)....

10 years later:
Our man is in his 50's. He suddenly remembers the Indian culture. Is reminiscing in his dreams of the past about reciting Sahasranama at 6 PM in the Shiva temple, the prasad at the Narayana temple, his jolly stints with his Chepak (name of a scooter/bike in India) and the coffee at the Naesey bar in front of the Consultancy services at Lloyds Road 185 office and Annapoorna at 12 Cath Road office. He wants all of them back . so goes to India (but doesn't find it and that all are not truly continuing; blames Indians for forgetting culture;) Buys a big flat; and decides to come back in 2 years;

After 2 years;
He goes back to India but not with his family; his children Sweta and son Nikhil (nice fancy names unlike his Ramanaryanan and his friend Sivasubramanian though they were deep rooted tradition of his ancestral names) are going to "SCHOOL'' (at Michigan university, not in our terms an university; he calls it school) and are likely to get settled their with Steve and Susan respectively. He does not like it; but cant help it and so accepts it without saying anything; wife accepts it more realistically ; but still blames the circumstances ( had I got $ 70K when I passed out Engineering, would I have come here and spent 30 years here. He does not remember that rest of the Indians earned only 1165 + city allowance + DA relief of 180 rupees fifty paise when he got 3500 in Campus and got 1000 hike every 6 months in his software consultancy company).

Now in his sixties at Adyar; he goes to temple; his neighborhood flats kids are wearing American T-shirts, watching MTV. Our man is feeling bad that they are growing too Western; he passes his last days hoping his son and daughter will join him at death; (doesn't remember that he sent only get well card and made few telephonic calls using AT&T, MCI cheap rate duration's than attend to them personally, but still expects his son will come & nurse him) ... the good treatment at Malar Hospital has restored his health; now he can walk to the corner shop and negotiate coriander leaves for 50 paise spoiling the poor daily wage earners' meager earnings )...

And now our man rests in peace at an old age home !!

 

Innocent Love!!!

A man was polishing his new car.

His 4yr old son scratched lines on car by stone.
In anger man hit son's hand by hammer.
Child lost all his fingers.
At d hospital d Child asked,
"Dad wen will my fingers grow back?"
D dad was so hurt speechless.
He went back to d car & Kicked it many times.
He looked at d Scratches.
It was written,"I Love u Dad".
Anger & Love has no limits.
Always remember, Things r to b used & people's r to b loved.

Snakes!!!

A man went fishing one day. He looked over the side of his boat, and saw a snake with a frog in its mouth. Feeling sorry for the frog, he reached down, gently took the frog from the snake, and set the frog free - but then he felt sorry for the snake.

He looked around the boat, but he had no food. All he had was a bottle of bourbon, so he opened the bottle and gave the snake a few shots. The snake went off happy, the frog was happy, and the man was happy to have performed such good deeds. He thought everything was great until about ten minutes passed and he heard something knock against the side of the boat.

With stunned disbelief, the fisherman looked down and saw the snake was back with two frogs!

A lovely letter from Ex husband and Ex wife…. lol!!!

Dear Wife:

I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it.

These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn’t even notice that I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want anything that connects us as husband and wife.

Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.
Your EX-Husband

P.S. Don’t try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Dear Ex-Husband,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been.

I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn’t work.

I did notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was “You look just like a girl!� Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment.

And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.

About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Heck and Free!

Â

P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem.

Â

Intelligent!!!

A wife asked her husband to describe her.

He said, 'You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K'.

She said, 'What does that mean?'

He said, 'Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous Hot'.

She said, 'Oh that's so lovely. What about I, J, K?'

He said, ' I'm Just Kidding'

Born with Luck!!!

My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day.
He has his food prepared for him.
He can eat whenever he wants, 24/7/365.
His meals are provided at no cost to him.
He visits the Dr. Once a year for his check-up, 
And again during the year if any medical needs arise.
For this, he pays nothing, and nothing is required of him.
He lives in a nice neighbourhood in a house that is much larger than he needs,
But he is not required to do any upkeep.
If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.
He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep.
He receives these accommodations absolutely free.
He is living like a King, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever.
All of his costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head... 
€¨ €¨ 

My dog is a POLITICIAN! 

Hard to break the puzzle!!!

A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started." 
Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" 
The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster." 
Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle. 
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. 
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, 
"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster." 
He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh ............ 


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"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."

 

Judgement Wonders!!!

HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB? 


Put about 100 bricks in some Particular order in a closed Room with an Open window. 


Then send 2 or 3 candidates in 
The room and close the door. 


Leave them alone and come back 
After 6 hours and then analyze 
The situation. 


If they are counting the 
Bricks. 
Put them in the accounts 
Department. 



If they are recounting them.. 
Put them in auditing .. 



If they have messed up the 
Whole place with the bricks. 
Put them in engineering. 


If they are arranging the 
Bricks in some strange order. 
Put them in planning. 



If they are throwing the 
Bricks at each other. 
Put them in operations . 



If they are sleeping. 
Put them in security. 


If they have broken the bricks 
Into pieces. 
Put them in information 
Technology. 


If they are sitting idle. 
Put them in human resources. 


If they say they have tried 
Different combinations, yet 
Not a brick has 
Been moved. Put them in sales. 



If they have already left for 
The day. 
Put them in marketing... 




If they are staring out of the 
Window. 
Put them on strategic 
Planning.. 



And then last but not least. 
If they are talking to each 
Other and not a single brick 
Has been 
Moved. 



Congratulate them and put them 
In Top management